42
by WeepingintheTardis
Summary: He hadn't counted the days since the battle at Canary Warf, nor had he counted the weeks, nor the months. No, instead, he had counted centimetres. (reunion fic starring David Tennants extensions)
1. 42

He hadn't counted the days since the battle at Canary Warf, nor had he counted the weeks, nor the months. He simply couldn't bear to think of time like that. For him, being a Time Lord, time never was a straight line. One moment he could be in London, decades before it would happen, the next he could find himself in the 24th century where the events of that terrible day were long forgotten, but never once could he cross his own time line. He didn't want to know the absolute time that had passed. Instead, he had counted centimetres.

Five. That was when it happened. She had fallen through the void, the blank wall in Torchwood. If only she had held on for ten more seconds... What if Pete hadn't been there at exactly that fatal moment? He'd failed her, he had failed himself, but at least the universe was safe.

At six centimetres he had found a tiny gap in the universe, just about to close, and she had come all the way to Norway, following a voice she wasn't even sure was real. During those precious two minutes he had left to spend with her, he had failed himself again.

Of course he'd been wanting to tell her back then. He'd been thinking about doing that for so long. But of what value are words when spoken as a final farewell? Seeing her standing on that beach he had eventually realized she would accept it as the truth and had finally found the courage to speak the words.

Too late. He had had his one and only chance to tell her what they'd both known for a long time, and he had failed.

The first decimetre had passed the quickest, and had also been the most painful. He had spend his days alone in the Tardis, desperately trying to find a way to heal his heart, and hers. Maybe he should had decided back then that he must forget and move on. He always did. But he didn't want to forget. He needed something to remind him of her forever. He had started counting.

When he reached seventeen he had thought most of the pain was over. He had started to travel again, exploring time and space, just as he had done before the time war.

At twenty he understood that it had never been a good idea to go back to earth in the first place. He had even tried travelling with a new companion, a nice young bloke called Ivo. He shouldn't have stayed. Not when everything he saw reminded him of her.

On one occasion, in Washington he was confronted with a woman who looked just like Yvonne. Angrily he had lost his mind, ending world war 6 by blowing up 3 continents, before locking himself into the Tardis, leaving the poor Ivo behind.

He had been staying in the void for 3 long centimetres, unable to do anything but sleeping, crying and letting the Tardis take care of him.

How he had reached thirty-five he didn't know. By that time he had built up a new life on a planet far away from earth and had lost it again. He'd gone crazy, begging everyone to kill him, but no one would. He escaped from the clinic three months after they'd put him in it and had run back to the only home he knew.

Forty. He had finally started to come to terms with himself, had saved about fourteen planets and had even considered taking a new, nonhuman, companion. The boy had fallen into a supernova before he got the chance to ask.

The Tardis woke him by softly humming to him. The Doctor groaned and pulled the covers over his head. Today he had reached forty-two. Reluctantly he got out of bed and dressed himself in his grey suit. After Bad Wolf Bay he had only worn his black one and on special days, like this, he covered himself in grey.

After having run the programs for the daily checks on the Tardis and their surroundings he pulled himself together and made his way towards the kitchen.

There it was, the same as always, waiting for him on the table. Only this time the cake had Forty-two lit candles neatly placed on top of it. He slowly sat down on the only chair and fiddled with his hair. Sighing he retrieved a band from his trouser pockets and roughly put it in a ponytail.

Forty-two centimetres... It had grown so slowly lately. His last "celebration", when he'd reached forty-one, had been at least five months ago.

The Doctor stared into the flames, tears forming in his eyes and blurring his vision. 'Oh Rose-' he breathed. 'I'm so sorry, I'm so very very sorry...' He started sobbing into his hands as he retraced all the memories of her he had collected in his mind.

His Rose, his pink and yellow human, had always been so brave. She was like a light to him, guiding him through the darkness that was left of him after the time war. He had send her home, but she had come back for him and had been willing to die if that meant he could live.

Regeneration, New New York, cybermen, being stuck on a doomed planet, saving each other, flirting, arguing, holding hands, hugging... but never crossing that line. And oh, he regretted flirting with Reinette, he regretted never telling her how sorry he was and how he had never meant to leave her alone on that spaceship, he regretted not being brave enough to cross that thin line, he regretted never having been able to tell her what exactly she was to him.

Eventually he calmed down enough to stop crying. He stared at the cake and closed his eyes, wishing the same as all those times before: _Please give me a chance to tell her I'm sorry_. _Please give me a chance to tell her that I love her_. _Please give me one more chance to get her back_.

He took a deep breath and blew.

* * *

**AN: **

**First of all: I don not own any of the characters mentioned (except for Ivo i guess) nor do I own this wonderful tvshow and I most certainly do not make money by writing this. **

**And now for the important stuff: Thanks for reading :)  
It's my first story... I could do with some reviews. Please?**

**oh, and I'm not native, so apologies for any big grammar mistakes.**


	2. Blue

Red lights started flashing and the Tardis shuddered and groaned. The Doctor became aware of the awfully hard sound of the alarms and scrambled to his feet, running the short distance back to the console room. Everything was turning around and the Doctor was flung from side to side. It was like the Tardis was trying to shake something off. When he had steadied himself again it occured to him that something was not right. Whereas the little kitchen had previously been just around the corner of the console room, he now found himself in the middle of a labyrinth.

'Oh, come on!' he shouted. 'Not now...'

Desperately he looked around for any sign that would lead him directly to the consoles. He felt the Tardis' consciousness touching his mind, sending a rather unpleasant tickle down his spine, the equivalent of a scream. It nudged him to the right and he went that way, following the instructions of the machine to make it through the maze of corridors.

He ran past the library, noticing that there now was a huge waterfall flowing out of one of the higher shelves. As he rounded another corner, the hard tiles changed into soft yellow grass that smelled like banana's. _The Tardis is disintegrating,_ he thought, _the realities of separate rooms are blending into each other._

There! He sprinted the last metres and jumped onto the platform surrounding the consoles. One look at the screen told him they had taken off and the Tardis was trying to land. He ran to the other side, rapidly pushing buttons and pulling levers to stabilize her. No reaction. He tried it again, his hands working all over the console, but it didn't matter. The Tardis didn't react to his touch anymore. The shaking increased and the sound of the Tardis landing became ear-splitting as she worked against herself.

Landing had never been a problem before. Something must have happened, something must have forced them to leave. The Tardis would never have a problem with taking him somewhere, except...

Except if that somewhere meant that it was against the laws of time that he would go there... For instance, somewhere like a parallel universe.

The Tardis materialized in mid air. Panic washed over him when he realized what was happening. He started smashing the buttons on the consoles in a desperate attempt to send them back, but all his actions were in vain. With a final loud breaking sound they crash-landed into the ground. The impact had the Doctor flying backwards. He could feel two of his ribs break before his head hit the solid wall and he lost consciousness.

.

.

.

'Do you think this is _the thing_?' the last words were merely a whisper.

'Well, it certainly looks like it.' another, deep manly, voice answered. What do you think, guys?'

'Maybe.'

'I'm not entirely sure.'

'We should let Mickey take look.'

_Mickey?_ The Doctor groaned as his vision slowly became more clear. _Mickey the idiot?_

'I'm afraid Mick is on a mission.' said the man who had spoken first. 'So, since we can't get this thing open, we should bring this box to Torchwood One for identification. Pete needs to see this.'

_Pete? _While the discussion outside continued, the Doctor slowly lifted himself to his feet and looked around. It was unusually dark as only the emergency lights were on. White smoke was leaking from the consoles and it filled the air with a burnt smell. By the looks of it, the Tardis had shut down. They must have landed, but where? Still a bit dizzy the Doctor limped towards the doors and listened.

'I don't understand, why don't we just send her a video call? At least then we're sure.'

'Because we were told not to show her these things before we're entirely one-hundred percent sure it's from him.' the deep voice rumbled impatiently. 'Remember the last time we thought we found a message from him and it was just some spacejunk?'

'No...'

'She couldn't handle it. Since that day everything concerning _him_ is to be directly taken to Torchwood.' The man said grumpily. 'Now get to work!'

Peaking outside the Doctor could see they had crashed in the middle of a car park. No-one was currently looking in his direction. Silently he stepped outside and tapped the man closest to him on the shoulder.

'Uhm- I'm sorry to interrupt, but did someone say Torchwood?'

In merely a second all twelve heads were turned in his direction. They did all belong to men wearing matching outfits, including guns that were all pointing at his chest. He slowly raised his arms, wincing as that motion was more than a little painful.

'I'm sorry, mate, but it's the protocol.' The man he been talking to pushed a cloth drenched in some bad-smelling substance in his face and the Doctor passed out for the second time that day.

* * *

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading :)  
****and thanks for the lovely reviews 3**

**TBC...**


	3. Torchwood

It was raining lightly. Ever so occasionally a raindrop hit the window, sticking there until being blown away by the wind. From this floor, one could look out over the whole city through the panorama windows.

That was one reason Pete had chosen to make this room his office. Another reason was that he would only be bothered by people who really needed to see him and were happy to climb the stairs up to the 20th floor. He'd been very insistent on that one. Since he had so much work to do for Torchwood, he couldn't afford it to be distracted by random people popping by.

Most of the projects he was working on required help from professionals, as their success depended on such little crucial elements one could easily overlook. Therefore there had been installed an online video communication system which allowed him to contact professionals from all over the world. The system also included a one-way video channel with the leaders of operating teams.

Since he had gained this job, he had been changing many aspects of Torchwood One. With help of Rose, he had been able to set up a new Investigation team specialized in alien technology. The main task of Torchwood was no longer to acquire alien technology, but to send it, along with the occasional aliens, back to where it belonged. There were a few exceptions of course. Sometimes the props they found were too dangerous to even try to send back.

And of course there had been the Doctor. In the begin he hadn't had the faintest idea of what this man had meant to Rose. He and Jackie got married and Rose became his stepdaughter. They grew closer and after a while she had opened up to him. During the late hours they spend in his study she told him about their adventures and about the wonderful man who gave her the universe. It was clear the Doctor had meant everything for her.

Rose also had nightmares. Every other night she would wake up screaming out his name. Jackie was the only one who could calm her down at these times. Which resulted in Pete being banned from his own bedroom in the middle of the night.

To say that he was worried about Rose was an understatement. There were days he even feared she would take her own life out of sadness, but she never did.  
Together with Jackie, Jake and Mickey, he had made a plan to bring his daughter back to her Doctor. But, the making of the vortex canon would take two years. In two years the Doctor might as well have found a way to this universe himself. Everyone at Torchwood knew about the doctor and how to look for signs that he might be involved with the daily events, but they never found him.

.

At the moment Pete was sitting behind his desk, chair turned so he was facing the window, and was reading through the files he'd just gotten about a pair of weevils that had been arrested after they'd started a fight in the underground by throwing ice cream at innocent passengers.  
Which was unusual behaviour, even for weevils. He pondered. This alien species only hunted at night. They were very aggressive and it wasn't their nature to annoy tourists, they always went for the kill.

There was a knock on the door. 'Mister Tyler?'

He lowered the weevil-file, not sure if he had heard someone calling of it was just his imagination that had distracted him, and listened.

'Mister Tyler?' The man knocked again. 'Pete, are you in here?'

_Jake?_ he wondered what his young friend was doing by his office. Nevertheless he turned his chair and pushed the button at the underside of his desk that opened the door.

The young man stepped inside. He was still wearing his field outfit and there were drops of dried mud all over his face and in his hair. Other than that, he was still carrying his gun, which was against the protocols of floor 20 –weapons were only allowed on the ground floor and in the training areas. In his other hand he was holding a file similar to the one Pete was still holding.

Jake didn't even take time to take in his surroundings or think of courtesies. He walked up to the desk and slammed the papers down in front of him. 'I thought you might want to see this.'

Pete raised an eyebrow questioningly and changed the weevil-file for the new one. Flicking through the papers with data he frowned. 'What is this, Jake?'

'Field report, Sir.' the boy ran a hand through his messy spikes. 'It might have to do something with the Doctor.'

Pete's eyes shot up to Jake. 'Why do you say that?'

'We got an alert that something had fallen from the sky and had crashed in the London suburbs.' He shrugged. 'Same as usual, so we send a team to clean the area. All we found-' he turned another five pages and revealed a high quality photo taken at the crime scene. 'A blue police box.'

Pete studied the picture, tracing the outlines of the box with his finger.

'We couldn't open it, couldn't break in.' Jake continued. 'Before we could decide what to do, someone came out.'

'Was it him?' Pete looked up at him desperately, even though he knew Jake would have acted otherwise if it had been. He was one of the few people at Torchwood who had personally met the Doctor.

Jake swallowed. 'We don't know.'

'What!?'

'He was knocked unconscious before I got the chance to ask him for his name.' He shook his head in disbelief. 'Something to do with a protocol.'

'That's correct.' Pete smiled lightly as Jake looked down ashamed. Then he became serious again. 'Nobody tells Rose about this! Not a word!'

'I made sure of that, Sir.'

'We're wasting our time here. Eventually she will hear it.' Pete stood up and opened the door. 'Where can I find him?'

'They've taken him to the medical bay for examination.'

* * *

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading :3  
Hopefully I can upload the next chapter tomorrow.**

**TBC...**


	4. Him?

**This part was longer but I felt the need to make it two chapters as that fits better  
**

* * *

'What exactly did he say?'  
'He said: "I'm sorry to interrupt, but did someone say Torchwood?"' Jake was running to keep up with his furious boss. 'Why? Is that important, Sir?'  
'Yes, Jake,' Pete answered harshly. 'It is. If it isn't I wouldn't want to know, would I?'  
'No, Sir.'  
As they reached the medical bay they were stopped. Two men in field outfit were guarding the door. Like Jake they were both covered in mud and they were still carrying their guns.  
Pete shot Jake a glare when the men didn't step aside to let him through.  
'I'm sorry, Sir,' one of them said. 'I can't let anybody in.'  
'Why is that?'  
'There is a possibility that this man is dangerous, Sir.' the other answered.  
'I can assure you that mister Tyler here knows the risk he takes when he goes inside that room.' Jake nodded towards the door. 'I can also tell you that he is fully authorized to take that risk.'  
When neither of Jake's man reacted, Pete sighed heavily. 'I don't have time for this. Either you let us in or you're fired.'  
'But-' They looked at Jake for help.  
'You better do as he says.' he nodded.  
Finally they stepped away from the entrance, still not sure what was going on. Jake and Pete quickly walked past the guards and let the door slam closed behind them.  
Three man in white coats had gathered around the operation table. On the table was lying someone, definitely a male. Resolutely Pete pushed them out of the way and stared down at the man, raking his eyes up and down the lean body and pausing on the head. He bent down and opened one eye, closed it again and then lightly tugged at the brown hair. He stepped back and examined the face again.  
'It could be him...' he murmured. 'But he looks so different.'  
'Old.' Jake whispered. 'When I saw the Doctor he looked so much younger.'  
They all looked at the unconscious body again.  
'Is it him?' one of the doctors dared to ask. 'Is this the Doctor?'  
Pete bit his lip. 'I don't know.'  
'What shall we do now?' Jake asked. 'He'll be out for I another few hours.'  
'We've only got about an hour before Rose takes notice of this.'  
'She'll kill us if we don't tell her.'  
Pete smiled lightly. 'I'm afraid so, yes.'  
'So?'  
'You go and get her.' he turned to the medical staff. 'You, if I come back you're done with whatever it is your doing with this man and you're all gone, understood?'  
They all nodded, not in the mood to argue with this man, and watched Pete as he left the room.  
When he reached the door he stopped and turned. 'Oh, and for God's sake, give him some clothes.'

.

.

.

Jake had found Rose on the seventh floor where she had her own little office. As soon as he mentioned the Doctor, she'd dropped everything and that sad look had appeared in her eyes, the one only meant for Him. Without saying a word she had followed him downstairs where Pete was waiting.  
He thanked Jake and was glad to see that the guy understood that he wasn't needed here anymore. He led Rose down to the medical bay and was relieved to see that the guards were gone too.  
As she reached for the knob, Pete stopped her. 'Listen, Rose.' he waited until his step-daughter faced him. 'You must understand we're not sure that man is him.'  
She nodded. 'I know.'  
Pete smiled encouragingly at her and let her open the door.

* * *

**AN:**

**Yeah... I know... Sorry T_T this time it's really tomorrow.  
Thanks for reading anyway**

**Tell me what you think? :$**

**TBC**


	5. The Doctor

**HAPPY NEW YEAR :)**

**enjoy your next chapter**

* * *

The medical bay was all white plastered walls and beds and the smell of disinfection fluid stung in her nose. On the only occupied bed, the furthest from the door was lying a man. They had even bothered to put him under the covers, a rare occurrence given which team had brought him in, and on one of the two chairs was hanging a grey jacket, blocking out the sight of the man's head.  
Rose slowly approached the bed, not making a sound as the man was clearly sleeping. She needed to see his face and yet she found herself unable to rise her gaze. She bit her lip and took a moment to prepare herself. It was impossible, the Doctor couldn't be here. Still, she knew, it would hurt to see a man she hoped would be him, but wasn't. Slowly she raised her head.  
Her heart skipped a beat and she gasped: He definitely looked like the Doctor. Only... different.  
Hesitantly she took a few steps forward, noticing the dark circles under his eyes. Even in his sleep, his brows were furrowed, making him look older than ever. But what somehow worried her the most was his hair. The impossibly long locks were spread across the pillow, barely held together by a simple black hair band.  
'Doctor?' she whispered softly, still not sure this was Him. The man, however, made no indication that he was aware of her presence.  
'I'm afraid he won't wake up for a while, Rose.' Pete was still standing in the doorway. 'The drug they gave him hasn't dissolved from his systems yet. He has a few broken ribs and several internal bleedings, so it might even take longer than it normally would.'  
'I'm not even sure it's him.' she looked back at her step-dad sadly. 'He looks so old and pained... And look at his hair, the Doctor would never let it grow that long, that would take centuries.'  
'I know, sweetheart.'  
The man in the bed groaned lightly and pain flashed over his face. Unsure Rose stretched her arm out and reached for his hand, but stilled just before touching it. She shook her head, even if this man wasn't her beloved Doctor, she could give him some comfort. She took his hand inside her smaller one and gave it a gentle squeeze.  
Much to her surprise he sighed and moved his fingers to hold her hand, a small smile forming on his lips. The frown almost completely disappeared as her thumb rubbed small circles on the back of his hand. He mumbled something, barely audible. 'Rose...'  
She inhaled sharply. How could he know her name if he wasn't-? She quickly repressed the thought. Pete had addressed her by her name when, it was possible he had registered that, wasn't it?  
'I'm here.' she whispered.  
His fingers started to wriggle in her grasp as if to found a better position for them that he couldn't quite find.  
They lost connection as Rose stepped away, an idea forming itself in her mind. She picked up the chair, dragging it towards right side of the bed and sat down next to where his head was. She reached for him again, only this time with her left hand. Closing her eyes she felt him entwining their fingers.  
The gesture was so achingly familiar. In this touch she felt the rough calloused grip of the man with the northern accent, who took her away to explore the stars, while all the same she felt the long slim fingers of his next version; the one that had promised her forever. A sob fought its way up her throat and she buried her head in the mattress, her body shaking as she cried. He even smelled like him.  
'Rose?'  
She raised her head and her red watery eyes found his. 'D-Doctor?'  
'I'm so sorry...' tears were forming in his eyes he was clutching her hand desperately. 'I'll never have the chance to tell you, but I'm so very sorry.'  
'Are you-' she swallowed and quickly reformulated her sentence. 'Where are you this time? In the Tardis?'  
'Does it matter?' he grimaced. 'When I wake up I'll have forgotten this.' A single tear escaped him and rolled slowly down his cheek.  
'But- how can I touch you?'  
'You're just a dream, of course you can.' the watery brown eyes locked with hers, and he smiled lightly. 'It's always the same, though, you'll disappear and I wake up. Alone...'  
His words confused her. 'But, Doctor, I'm real...'  
'That's what they all say.' he shook his head, anger flaring up in his eyes. 'Why are you always torturing me like this? It's not fair!'  
Just as sudden he slumped back in the pillow and started crying.  
'Doctor?' She'd imagined a lot of things about when she would be reunited with her Doctor -Because there was no doubt she was talking to Him- but she never expected this. Not sure how to react she moved her other hand up to his face.  
He leaned into the touch and mimicked the gesture. 'Rose...' his fingers traced over her cheek. 'I've tried everything I could think of to get you back. Everything! Please believe me?'  
'I know.' she whispered.  
'You know what I was going to say when I lost you, don't you?'  
She nodded as another sob escaped her.  
Listen to me, Rose...' The Doctor looked at her, his eyes falling closed from exhaustion and sighed. 'I love you...' The hand left her face and fell heavily on the mattress.

* * *

**AN:**

**Right... I'm not sure about this part but I kept it like this anyway  
tell me what you think?  
I could use a bit of advice :$  
**

**TBC**


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